Confessions Scandals and Despaches Redux



Were digging up some despatches from the fallen ruins, it may take a while.


* Fri 8th Dec. Damn the Icebergs up tonight. I send out approx 70 Emails. Only Manik and Arnold the Grey pitch up ... I suppose thats it then ... its been fun.

* Here are the Abelarde Awards for 2001 :
* The Abelarde Band of the Year :
BRIXTON MOORD en ROOF Orkes. This was the year of BMR. No other band did more than they to promote the Abelarde Sanction. From Oppikoppie to Sannieshof, from Insig to Kyknet they shamelessly punted the Abelarde. Took the step from folk to rock with ease and casually kicked butt wherever they played.  Sharp lyrics from Andries. They will set the trend in South Africam music in 2002.They are indeed worthy.
* The Booze Consumption Champion of 2001: DA TURTLE aka Mark Bennett. A successfull defence from the 2000 Champion. Even sacrificed a girlfriend ... we are humbled.
* Best Rock Band : PLANK. The first Afrikaans band to successfully trancend into the rock-genre. Lots of anger, cynicism. Permanently pissed-off. Watch out for them in 2002.
* Best Hard Rock Band : SOMA. Soma was probably the loudest, tightest band to play at the Abelarde. Then they just dissapeared.
* Best Industrial/Progressive Band : NORTHUMBIAN NOSEFLUITE QUINTET.  No one has even attempted what they did ... anywhere. Altough they were short lived, at least two off-shoots are currently in the making. We honour what they started.
* Best Folk Band : LEFT of CENTER. Shades of Indigo Girls, they kept the Uber-Dykes bopping all year round. Lots of angst, vollatile inter-personal relationships of band members and great sound made them the folk rock band of the year.
* Best Ska Band : Ms SEPTEMBER. No one has even come close to challenging them in the last few years. The few punk-ska bands that challenged will have to go back to dad's garrage for a few more years. For the fourth year in a row ... they reign suppreme ...
* Best Funk/Dub Band : 340Mls. The boys from Moz sharpened up their act this year and tasted some comercial success.
* Best Gospel/Rock Band : SHUTTERSPEED. Bravely they entered the lions den, strutted their stuff and came back for seconds. Most tallented trio in the gospel-rock genre.
* Best Reggae Band : PICXLE F. Something new, interesting. Other contenders were just Marley copy's.
* Best Male Vocal : DAVID from Ms September. No other vocalist had his range, or control. No contest.
* Best Female Vocal : Difficult one. Liela Groenewald : Great voice. Karen Zoid : Great performer, knows how to work the audience. Phillipa Sutherland : Dreamy, tight, good vocal range. Uber-Dyke icon. Esme Evakwaad : She has the vocal power, and she's starting to control it. Give her another six months.
* Best Guitarist : Guitarist from SOMA. No other lead guitar even came close. Insane.
* Best Bassist : DRIKUS BARNARD from Plank and BMR. Intricate and complex to say the least.
* Best Drummer : ANDREW from Plank. The best rock drummer we've
ever seen at the Abelarde. No shit.
* Best Performance : JUDAS S CARROTT from Damn the Icebergs. Dressed in his carrot suite, doing "Jesus of Brixton". Irresistable. We believed. KAREN ZOID doing "Afrikaners is Plesierig". People were doing back-flips. Awsome.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : PANDA for all your love and support.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : PAUL RIEKERT. A privilage to have him grace our stage.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : ESME EVAKWAAD for being a bitch. We loved it.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : OTHIN .... DRUGGIE OF THE YEAR ... again ...
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : THE STEWARDS ... Panda, Arnold, Manik, Othin, Bennett, Steve, Cobus, Cliffordius.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : The Captain of the Guard, HOWDY VON STOUT for back-up. Thanks brother.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : MANIK and CLIFORDIUS for spinning disks and vinyl.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : ARNOLD the GREY, ANDRIES, LIELA, BENNETT and DRIKUS for           keeping that black book ticking over ... it kept the Abelarde going.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : PIET POMPIES for his contributions on LitNet.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : STEVE the SAVAGE and The SAVAGE BITCH for scandal and keeping the Abelarde flag flying in Zambia.
* Honourable Mention in Dispatches to : all those that came through the Abelarde door into Sanctuary in the last six years. Its been real.
Tazius Maximus Vilinius
Dark Brood
Abelarde Sanction



* Tues 4th Dec. Takoeza Nights. DJ Poffadder and At Nel presiding. An excelent evening ... bar is drunk dry ... lots of pretty people ... and Arnold the Grey, David Pottie ... The horse-skull on the speaker comes to shattering end ... courtesy of DaisyD... lekker gesuip ...
* Sat 1st Dec. Improv Molars jam session ... ouch.



* Thurs 29th Nov 2001. Aint much a happening ... same shit different day. Nice article in the "Insig" ... a yuppie Afrikaans mag about Afrikaans bands ... nice picture of BMR and Plank .... the Abelarde also gets a mention ... thanks Andries ... Jeff is out visiting from Phoenix, Arizona .... got some dollars to spend ... $100 = R1000 ... what a pleasure ...  and everytime our dear auntie Zuma opens her mouth it gets worse ... the Northumbian Nosefluite Quintet has become extinct ... Cliffordius and Aragorn again ... two geniuses, one band .... just dont work ... I believe there is a progressive off-shoot called The Bloodsucking Vampire-Goats currently rehearsing ? Hmmm, yes ... well ... so you've noticed ... the web page is becoming a bit more dodgy ... no more editing Emails ... just cut and paste. Seems that my Mightymail address has been discovered ... kind people send me their pic's ... they all want to friends of the Abelarde ... isnt it nice ... There are no more great drinkers left ... so Da Turtle takes the Booze Consumption Championship for the second time running ... a successfull defence of a great title.  ( of course Da Turtle will contend that he is a great drinker  ... never mind ) David Pottie had a farewell ... going to the promised land ... U.S.A. ... never got there though ... new bosses sent him to Zambia instead to go and monitor elections ... sorry David, Christmas with mom is out ... how is that for being fucked over ... just as you think you are going to get away, your Yank boss at the Carter Centre developes a fear for flying ... " Hell no, lets send David Pottie to deal with the Afs ... he's Canadian anyway " Best band of the year ? Email me your choices ... and, yes I can be bought ... Andries and Irma had both their cars stolen in one week ... I think its the fith time for the red Golf ? ... both BMR and Plank are recording with the infamous Paul Riekert ... should be fun ... oh yes, and the same Paul and Anton L'mour had a gig at the Abelarde ... great ... "en daai six-pack skreeu vir my : 'kom hier' !!!!!!!" ... pity few attended ... their lives are thus barren for ever more ... Cobus and Linda attended  .... thanks Cobus ...



* Sun 21st Oct 2001. Panda and myself laying bricks .... could make a career of this ....
* Sat 20th Oct 2001. Some little fuck throws a rock through the only remaining window of the Abelarde.
* Fri 19th Oct 2001. The Captain of the Guard is on holliday ... visiting historical battle sites ... I have been entrusted to feed his fuckin dogs ... me, who cannot even keep a cactus alive .... killin is easy ... this humanitarian shit .... still theyre ok as mutts go ... pretty friendly actually ... could get used to this .... O God what is happening to me !!!!!!!
* Pixle F up tonight. Interesting, nice. 3 piece ... Brendan Green  on guitar and percussion, a dude that used to play for Me & Mr Sane on bass and a cute and tallented girl on bass and vocals ... Andries brings an imprompto crowd ... Cliffordius is a lunatic ....
* Tue 16th Oct 2001. Email from Robbie ( Sunways are touring in Ireland ) :
Hi Taz, hope you and all other Abelarde inhabitants are well. Just to let you know we are having a brilliant time over here, and KILLING in our gigs. Look forward to seeing you all in SA soon.
Regards Roberto.
* Seems that the campaine to establish Jedi Knights as an official religion in the UK has succeeded. Check out report in the Alt Culture Page. Sourced courtesy of Arnold the Grey. Congrats to all !!!!!! QUESTION ... does anybody know what the official requirements are for a "movement" to be considered a religion in South Africa ? Could be interesting ...
* Wed 10th Oct 2001. Will be offline for awhile. Call me on 07 222 151 59. Email : tigertiger@mighty.co.za.
* Tue 9th Oct 2001. I'm 42 today .... sheeeiit, wat n gemors. Little sit-in with the regulars ... nice. Pressies and cake from Panda. Thanks baby. Goodies from all. Thanks guys.
* Mon 8th Oct 2001. No news .... pic's up everywhere ...
* Fri 28th Sept 2001. Plank and Superclown up tonight ... the lead singer and guitarist of Superclown dont pitch up ... Plank and the remaining members do a little free jam session ... Ockert joines in ... fun.
* Mon 24th Sept 2001. Email from Jeff in Phoenix Arizona. Perspectives from an expat in the U.S. of A. Check out the Opinions Page.
* Fri 21st Sept 2001. Three afrikaans bands up tonight. Some chickabee from 7de Laan ( a local soapie ) sneaking around checking out the scene ... she drinks single scotch and water ... Andries neednt worry, the crowd packs in. BMRO first up ... going from strenth to strenth. Most of the regulars around ... Othin, Liesl, Bafana, David, Marcel, Natasha etc ... Diff-Olie is next. Theyre from Wolmer a dodgy subburb in Pretoria and show the locals how to drink Tequila ... a tight no frills rock outfit, nice to see Afrikaans finally successfully trancending to this medium. The grand finalle to Plank ... they are not going to let outsiders kick but in their back yard ... awsome ... Piet Pompies is bopping around ...
* Email from the Captain of the Guard :
Greetings Commander,
It seems the Afghanis are looking for a few good men. They might have luck before the fighting starts, but precious little of it afterward.
Captain of the Guard
The following despatch was intercepted by Abelarde  Artificial-Intellegence :
SA group recruiting for Afghani 'brothers'
September 21 2001 at 09:10AM
By Yunus Kemp
At a gathering of hundreds of Muslims at the Habibia mosque in Rylands, Cape Town, Muslims Against Illegitimate Leaders (Mail) were canvassing for people to sign up to go to Afghanistan should that country come under attack from the United States. Mail spokesperson Abdurahman Khan said his organisation would approach the government "to ask to fight with our brothers in Afghanistan".
"We are going to try and sign up people from tonight. The Western press uses the word jihad loosely. It's obligatory upon us to defend any people who are wrongfully attacked," said Khan. He said history had shown that the US "have attacked them in the past" and this coupled with the US's "lack of proof" against Bin Laden "was reason enough to stand up to a tyrant like (US President George W) Bush".  Sheikh Ebrahim Gabriels said the Muslim community should be proud of Mbeki  "We are hoping to sign up 5 000 people and are mainly looking at young unemployed males, both Muslims and non-Muslims."  He said there were no "communication" between his group and the Taliban, but it did not matter. "Whether we are invitet or not, we are duty bound if there is a call for jihad."
Muslim leaders in the Western Cape also lauded President Thabo Mbeki for not offering military assistance to the United States in the wake of the attacks on the Pentagon and the World Trade Centre last week.
* Well, being a sporting bunch, we here at the Abelarde will host some benifit gigs to raise funds to enable our prospective jihad fighters in the Western Cape to fly to Afghanistan. It will of course be one-way tickets only .... As for Military assistance to the U.S. ? Shame, just who are we trying to flatter ... before the 94' elections we had according to Janes the 4th best army in the world. About three years ago we were listed as the 11th best in Africa .... any way the same research showed that the SANDF could mobilise and support 2 Companies of fighting men for a period of 15 days only under battle conditions .... siestog ... somehow I think we are way, way down on the list of possible assistance to the U.S. Armed forces. Now if the U.S. needed some hijackers or so called freedom fighters .....
* Thurs 20th Sept 2001. Email from Cassie in San Francisco.
Hi all. What is the status concerning the battle for dominance of the Ritual Clan ie the Goddess ?
Love Cassandra Mitchell, S.F.
* Huuugh, wellll ..... its all a bit dodgy at present .... Michelle is the only one to have actively engaged the challenge. She is sending lots of pictures and I believe she is getting lots of Email correspondence. The Savage bitch made a bit of noise but has faded recently. Clair does most of her shouting on stage .... as for the rest ... hell I dont know, its a chick thing any way. Im not about to interfere ... at least not yet. Lots of dodgy Emails floating around though ... like : "Hi my name is Alfred from Chicago. Im a sissy-boy who likes dominate women. " etc, etc .... I shit you not ...  
* Wed 19th Sept. 2001. HAPPY BIRTHDAY Howdy ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
The lads have a little sit-in to celebrate the Captain of the Guards birthday. Got ourselves a bottle of Wild Turkey Kentuky Bourbon, bucket of ice, some chocolate cake and viola ! yeah ....
* Sat 15th Sept 2001. The renouned Northumbian Nosefluit Quintet. Wintermute, Aragorn, James, Loki, Manik, Cobus and Greenman. The Second Rendition of this discipline ... more structured this time ... Sharkbrother adds his guitar to the computers, backtracks, synth effects, keyboards, bass and Greenmans rambling monologue ... this is certainly adding up to a whole new dimension in music, and its going somewhere very interesting ... more people, especially serious muso's should see and hear this ... cant wait for the Third Rendition.
* Fri 14th Sept 2001. The return of Damn the Icebergs. Their new Cd release and celebrating ten years together. Its a packed house .... standing room only. To get to the bar is a challenge. Everybody is here and a lot of people that I dont know. That Savage Bitch graces us with her presence ... pressies too ... Zambian beer called "SIMBA" ... awsome. Harry is up from the Last Outpost ... Bafana is drinking Black Labels ... the Stewards will have to discuss that. Myself, Panda and Howdy man the barricades. The splendour of Dave Smegma's carrot suite lending the nesseccary cred to his performance as Jesus of Brixton. All the old songs and all the new material ... two sets of class. As always a great performance by one of the greatest bands to ever grace the Abelarde stage. They are supported by former Icebergs member Craig. His solo Cd will be available soon. Its going to be awsome. I would like to appologise to Christa and Dave for trying to sell slices of the party cake ... it seemed too great an opportunity to miss ... Howdy and myself were simply overwhelmed by entrepeneurial spirit ... praise be ... The Cd titled "NO" is for sale at the bar for R50.
* Email from Lynette in Phoenix, Arizona :

Lynette Wilson
Phoenix, Arizona
* I believe some more are posted on the RITUALS PAGE. I suggest that you contact her on glorious@mighty.co.za.
* Tue 11th Sept 2001. With quiet horror we watch, as two U.S. comercial jetliners hijacked by terrorist slam into the two towers of the World Trade Centre in Manhatten. Thousands presumed dead. As South Africans we are used to senseless violence happening to us everyday. However the scope, magnitude and ramifications of
these senseless acts are going to change everyones live's forever. The Americans tend to be a bit slow off the mark, but when they get going, few are as ruthless or committed. Lets hope no stone is left unturned to exterminate those responsible or those who protect them. Lets hope the South African Goverment dont put thier foot in it. Strength and honour.
* Sun 9th Sept 2001. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLIFORDIUS ! ! !
* Sat 8th Sept 2001. Clifordius has a little birthday bash. Turns out to be a all fall down afair.
* Thurs 6th Sept 2001. Email from Dr David Pottie :
Taz,
Poetry and music.
Sounds like the perfect kind of night for me to get shushed because I am talking all the way through the poetry and insufficiently sensitive to the difficult art and open expression of the inner spirit. Of course what poetry oftens fails to convey, despite that allegedly being the nature of its craft, is that it is all performance anyways, with the author assuming a voice, a character or a persona. But then everyone gets up there and confesses some damn secret idea they had while working pen over paper and we must sit like high priests and not judge - for that is the work of GOD almighty - and only the Lord knows how crap your small little life really is because HE is all seeing, and can compare you against all the previous ants who trudged through life wailing about their lot.
I hope that the scars are bleeding, barely healed and plain for all to see. When I had knee surgery I was one of the demonstration cases for a group of hospital interns, and there I was laying on a stretcher at the base of a lecture theatre and one by one the students filed past me, manipulating my leg to feel the lax effect of two damaged ligaments, a repaired hip and pelvis. Kind of like a zoo, a wax museum, or dare I say it - a poetry reading.
Can't wait. see you there.
Foreigner of the Year.
*************
David Pottie, PhD
Electoral Institute of Southern Africa
* Wed 5th Sept 2001. Some news and skinner from Dave Smegma about the Icebergs upcoming Cd launch and tenth Birtday bash on the Fri 14th Sept. Check out the
MUSIC Page
* Tues 4th Sept 2001. Email from Da Turtle :
taz
I refer to the submissions of Justine and Michelle. Both of them raise very very good points regarding the VACANT stewardship - cause it is vacant I haven't seen both Savages for some time now. I knew it would happen - it was just a matter of time. Sensibility at last. Rationality returns. We need to sort this issue out once and for all. A meeting of the stewards is required - I propose this week. The agenda of this meeting - "The continued membership of the inner sanctum by SAVAGE man".
Your obedient and faithful servant
Mark Bennett
* Mon 3rd Sept 2001. Email from That Savage Bitch :
Yes Michelle, you are right, I probably don't deserve ascension to the nether sanctum, I mean the fact that I actually know what the inside af the Abelarde looks like aside. You see sweetheart it's simply not enough to be a bitch ( or a bimbo) sometimes one has to get low down and dirty and just be a woman to get what you want.( Not that being a member of any sanctum was what I wanted, being a guest of the Sanction is enough) Cheers to all in Brixton and the Abelarde, will be seeing you in only a week or so.
That Savage Bitch
* Sun 2nd Sept 2001. R.I.P. Chris Barnard, who performed the first heart transplant died from an asthma attack, next to a pool surounded by babes. At least he didn't die from a heart attack.
* News that Cobus from Sharkbrother will be joining the renouned Northumbian Nosefluite Quintet on a next appearance. He will be adding his baritone and guitar to this tallented but obscure discipline.
* Email from Michelle.
glorious@mighty.co.za. How sweet. So the Savage Bitch gets entry to the Nether Sanctum. Shows that if one whines enough anything can happen. Maybe the Commander was just being clever. Throw a dog a bone and the whining stops. Ive emailed some more picts with some statistics. Bimbo ?
* Email from Justine in Washington.

Justine C Allendale
Dept of Defence
Washington
* Hmmm .... interesting indeed.
* Sat 1st Aug 2001. The end of the week long End Racism Conference in Durban. Attended by delegates from all over the world. An official stay-away from the US Goverment. A few centuries of slavery and colonialism highlighted and monetary compensation high on the agenda. Hmmm ... it did come to my attention that although all wanted monetary compensation for having been bought/sold into slavery ( mostly by their own people ) few wanted to return to thier "roots". "No, no, no, ... West Africa  ? No brother,  Im a Black-Afro-American, I dont even speak your language" !!!
I wonder how far "accountability for wrong doings" should go back ? 100 years ? 200 years ? or more ? Hmmm ... those damn Mongols invaded most of Europe at one time or the other. Surely  if they kept thier shit together none of this colonialism crap and slavery would have happened. We would all be happily roaming around on horseback, slaughtering all we came accross. Fuck assimilating into a culture. As the Capt. of the Guard said the other day : "A day without blood is like a day without sunshine". Yes, the Mongols are to blame ... and the Moors ... for contaminating the Roman bloodline till there were no more blond haired blue eyed Italians left ... and the Zulu's that exterminated all in thier migration from East Africa to the southern part of Africa ... and the French who put my Protestant forefathers on a ship and banished them to darkest Africa for thier faith .... Yes, I too want some money for all my forefathers sufferings ... problem is who is actually responsible for ten centuaries of events ? Where do I collect ?
* We close off SA Music Week off with ACU and Solitude Standing. Moord Greef kindly lends us the usage of his drum kit for the event. Thanks Ockert. The guitarist from ACU dropps out ... so does the drummer from Solitude Standing ... never fear ... the main honcho's from both bands are committed ... with one of the most bizarre and enthusiastc crowds yet seen at the Abelarde ... industrial goths and Uber-dykes ... lots of blondes as well ... great mix ... and a great gig from Manik and Clifford and Jenny Chadwick.
* Fri 31st Aug 2001. We do SA Music week with BMR, Plank, Sharkbrother and the PPJ Reggae band. Good bash indeed. Pics up in Suspect Page courtesy of Othin. An excitable Piet Pompies at his most engaging self. Most of the Abelarde Illuminati around, getting trashed, having a good time. A powerfailure did little to dampen the spirits ... the scotch was flowing strong. Cobus from Sharkbrother took command of Roof's accoustic guitar and continued his set amongst candelight .... to be joined by Roof and Esme for "Famous Blue Raincoat" ... stirring stuff indeed ...
* Wed 29th Aug 2001. Time to shake things up a bit. Seems that Sam is the only one from the female pack that has the balls to deul it out with the Lad's. That Savage Bitch thus ascends to the Nether Sanctum. Lets see if she can crack the Inner Sanctum ....
* Tues 28th Aug 2001. I get some pretty bizarre Email at times. Check out the Alt Culture page for the current gem from some Nigerian shysters. And they wonder why we call them crooks ...
* Email from Sharkbrother :
Hey Taz, this stewardship thing's pretty bizarre. Well who would have thought but then again probably par for the course at the Abelarde. What is incredible is the obviously shameless ass-kissing going on. Turtle, where your backbone? Besidies, he's got a rank, what's he want another one for, to be more rank than he already is? Methinks the turtle doth protest too much, and besides his agenda sometimes looms from behind his bulk... Could it be that he is trying to gain more influence, is this the beginning of some Commie putsch? Curryin favour with the "SuperBrass" at the Ab is not wrong but simply tasteless. Buy beers, drink them and sing, say I. If you can't sing then buy more beer.
regards
Solobrother Whispering Jack
* Email from That Savage Bitch :
Is my eyesight going or did the turtle just say there should be more wimin in the Abelarde hierarchy? Please gentlemen do something for a friend and immediately take him over to Sharmant or somewhere. If the turtle is going to start liking women he might just start saying nice things!AAAAAAAAAaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!! NET NIE DIT NIE!!!!!
Cheers and greetings all round
The Savage Bitch
* Mon 27th Aug 2001. The death of the abelarde freezer ... o fok ... it spluttered for a while, gave a death rattle and fucked out .... already I can hear the baying of the discontented mob .... warm beer ... R500 later ... she's found new life, the Castle's are chilled and happiness is called Da Turtle ....
* That foreign interloper, David Pottie returns fron Vancouver. Reckons the latest "in-genre" on the music scene in Vancouver is something called "HOMO-CORE". Sort of like gay punk ... must be pretty much of a niche market thingy. Most fag's I know like Cher and Abba ... maybe its just another excuse to take thier T-shirts off ....
* Sun 26th Aug 2001. Email from That Savage Bitch :
Greetings Tazzius Caesar Taz, I know that certain people might find you cute, but personally I am a sattisfied woman that does not need to resort to little cuddly nicknames. The Oochie poochie bit was merely a sarcastic reference to the introduction used by that other, puny little female who doesn't even have the "balls" to reply to my critique of her application. Come on chickee, at least show some fighting spirit! You are aspiring ro deity after all!
Cheers and Carrots from Zambia
That Savage Bitch
P.S. Three cheers for Katrin!
* Sat 25th Aug 2001. Email from Da Turtle :
Whoa TAZ
This Steve stewardship thing seems to be getting out of hand.
For the record : 1. Steve put the title up for sale - not me. I put in an offer as no one indicated that it was out of order. He turned me down and called me a"dictator".
2. Howdy's right you are numero supremo of the sanction. You are the Dictator. I acknowledged this in my e-mail.
3. If there is to be duel then I would appoint you and Howdy as me seconds.
I propose we meet at the SANCTION tonight and sort it out - let the duel commence. But then again Steve won't turn-up - cause he can't he's not here, he there managing wheelbarrows and a hole in the ground.
4. Thus as I said before the principle of "use it or loose it" must apply.
5. Perhaps the vacant (sorry not used "title") should be given away. What about an 'Uber Dyke'? - we need to get more wimin in the structures.
Yours in the struggle for a safer world.
Da TURTLE
* Hmmm ... would have been interesting to see some blood spilt ... never mind. Looks like I'll have to sort out this mess.
Ok, Steve Kitwe Savage retains his Stewardship ... no selling , no negotiations. Da Turtle retains his ... end of story. As for the Uber-Dykes ... theyre on tonight ... Howdy von Stout, Da Turtle, Clifordius, Panda, Arnold the Grey and myself behind the barricades ... Uber-dykes running amok .... never seen so much french kissing in my life ... yikes ...  
* Fri 24th Aug 2001.Email from the Captain of the Guard :
Greetings Commander,
I grow worried. It seems certain members of the inner sanctum have forgotten -- or never understood -- that being a steward is a point of honour. It is not a peerage or a commodity that can be bought and sold as easily as slave women from the Taliban militia. (They have a special on at the moment, by the way. White women from the UN. But we can chat about that later...)
And while you often consult on inclusion to the Inner Sanctum, the decision is ultimately yours and not subject to a vote or sold to the highest bidder. After all, this is not a democracy.
If the current conflict cannot be resolved peacefully, however, I suggest a solution. According to the International Law Tribunal in the Hague, duelling is legal in Italy, Argentina and the Abelarde Sanction. I suggest dawn as a suitable starting time.
It'll make a great start to the weekend because a day without blood is like a day without sunshine.
Strength and Honour
Capt. Howdius von Stout
* Hmmmm .... I like it .... heh, heh, heh, .. imagine ... Da Turtle vs Steve Kitwe Savage .... at dawn .... the early morning mist hanging heavy .... dignified in dapper tuxedo's ... the seconds negotiate choice of weapons in low voices ... pistols ... sabers ... or broken beer bottles ? .... That Savage Bitch clutching a silk handkerchief to worried breast ....  a tear spilling down powdered cheek ... picknick baskets littering the lush meadow ... the clinking of glassess ... the shrill laughter from the Abelarde Faithfull piercing the tension ... the faint whif of narcotic insense on the crisp morning breeze ... courage gentlemen ... courage ... first blood ? Ah yes ..... 
* Wed 22nd Aug 2001. Email from Steve Savage :
Dear Taz, Da Turtle seems very sure of himself when he offers to call a meeting of the Stewards, maybe his 'lifetime peerage' might get revoked by popular vote. I think in this case Da Turtle mught favour the status quo, and retain his peerage, as I will retain mine.
Cheers!
Kitwe Savage

* Tues 21st Aug 2001.Email from Da Turtle :
I refer to the title that was put up for sale. Does Steve think that the title is hereditary and that he can pass it on to his children. there are no life long peerages at the Abelarde. The law is simple "use it, or loose it". Drinking in some god forsaken pub in Zambia does not entitle one belong to the inner sanctum.
Taz : We need a meeting of the stewards - an inquiry must be held. The charges : desertion; dereliction of duty; selling titles too cheaply; calling me a dictator - we know that there is room for only one dictator in the Abelarde - I have never (and will never) undermine HIS authority.
"I've been offered titles, but I think they get one into disreputable company" George Bernard Shaw
Mark Bennett
* Mon 20th Aug 2001. * I have been called a lot of things in my time, but " most-oochie poochie Tazmania ?" .... jesus, Sam, what are you kids smoking up there in Zambia ? ... most-oochie poochie .... ?
* In response to Da Turtle bid for Steve the Savage's Stewardship, Email from Steve :
Dear Taz,
I would not sell my Stewardship to Bennett for a truck full of black labels. One dictator at the abelarde is enough. I think I will retain my stewardship for the time being.
Zambian style drinking at the local is a bit different to that at the abelarde, but there is always something to aspire to. How it works here is, in the more dubious establishments, whose beverages do not come from a commercial brewery, but more likely from a drum around the back, the acceptable way to travel home is in a wheelbarrow. On arrival you choose your wheelbarrow, recline, make sure you have K500 and your home address in your top pocket, and proceed to get blotto. When you are no longer capable of standing and fetching a drink anymore, an attendent will wheel you home and dump you at your front door. This solves all sort of drinking and driving problems, as well as eliminates the chance of getting lost, so I suggest that this system be implemented at the Abelarde for the benefit of the residents of Brixton.
Steve 'fell out of my wheelbarrow' Savage
ps The wheelbarrow thing is no bullshit, I couldn't believe it myself.......
* Sun 19th Aug 2001. Email from Katrin in Germany :
< I f the glorious headed Michelle wants to challenge for Goddess then those glorious locks will have to tumble. The first bitch to be shaved should be herself, or no ?
Love, Katrina
* In reference to Michelles challenge Email from Sam of the Sahara :
Oh my dearest, greatest, most oochie - poochie Tazmania.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus H.Christ!, will someone please tell this chickabee that a goddess is not supposed to be an obsequeous, brown-nosing bimbo! Yes, I agree that an Abelarde Goddess has to have a streak of the anine( read: know how to be a worse bitch than Kaptein)But does this featherweight realy thinks she has it? I mean in general the Great Men of and Women of the Abelarde stand (and fall down ) with great equality and consideration of each other's personal peculiarities, but one must admit that we have among us( without adition of wannabe headshavers) some of the best, most sarcastic and asinine minds ever braught together under one sagging roof. May the struggle continue without the unneccessary deifying of cloudy brunettes.
Strenght and Honour ... and Lots of SIMBA( bloody excellent zambian beer)
That Savage Bitch.
* Sat 18th Aug 2001. The renouned North Umbrian Nosefluit Quintet up tonight. About seven computers, two keyboards, guitars, bass, efects unit , and stuff, all going through the house system. Renouned, but obscure artists like Clifordius, Aragorn, Manik, Greenman, James, Loki, Natasha, all doing things at the same time ... burning CD"s as well ... chaos ... but nice chaos. Fun evening. Did I see Manik on guitar ? Fraid so ... I believe the whole afair was recorded. 
* Fri 17th Aug 2001. Email from Da Turtle :
Dear Taz
Count me in for the auction for the vacant stewardship. I'm prepared to buy it and let to someone else - but I'll retain all voting rights associated with the title. In that way I think that we can test how the person handles the role - the person will be a sort of apprentice.We'll make the person bring us drinks when you are too busy and the person can stand at the door and shut-it when fuckwits leave it open on the way out and way in. Does the person who gets the stewardship have the right to change the title associated with it?
Steve wants a crate of Black Label's ? I'll give him two.
Mark Bennett
* We go back to memory-lane tonight ... remember Travel Pack, from Wings days ? Yes the terrible duo's back ... Richard and Woody. Still Woody pumping on bass and Richard sprouting his poetry/songs at pace ... still a lot of fun. Enamel on with Mike on bass and vocals, Dragon on drums and some-one-who's-name-I-dont-remember. Potential most definate ... Othin's doing pics. Had a preview. Looks great. He'll post them to me.
* Thurs 16th Aug 2001. Email from Mich in Dbn North.
< glorious@mighty.co.za > Dearest Commander Tazius Maximus Vilinius, As a faithfull follower ( albeit from a distance ) of your organisation, ( I access the Aberlarde web page at least three times a day ) I cannot help but notice that six months or more has come to pass since you bannished the Aberlarde Goddess, Riahannon. As a contributing member of the Female Headshaving/Longhair Cult I hereby challenge for the ritght to be the Abelarde Goddess. I believe that I have all the credentials to be the Goddess of the Abelarde - tons of glorious  brown hair. As a total bitch I would ruthlessly put all female subjects to the blade for the glory of the Aberlarde. I challenge . Thanks for including my close-up on the Rankings page.  Michelle.
* " Dearest Commander ... " ... I like that .... shows respect. Wat n gemors ... we already have the internationals bickering about Steve the Savage's Stewardship ... whilst Steve is patiently awaiting his case of Black Label .... now this ... what next ?
* Wed 15th Aug 2001. Dolly-bird from KYK-NET stops in. Blah blah blah ... Shaven headed Plank vocalist, Clair, Andrew, Drikus, Maddy, Zacky, Andries, Irma, Othin and me-self I, have a little sit-in .... oh my goodness ... Tbone and Justin stop in.
* Tuesday 14th Aug. Remnants from Oppikoppi drift in ... lots of stories and scandals ... best one ... Andries is meandering around ... spots three youngsters hovering around in his wake ... reckons they want to chat about the gig but are a bit intimidated .... he
is the lead singer and frontman of the Brixton Moord en Roof Orkes after all ... eventually they sum up the courage to approach him ... and ask him if he's a dealer and if he's got any acid .... ouch.
* Monday 13th Aug. Da Turtle returns from congress in Durban. Reckons there is no pretty girls left ... the struggle has become an ugly thing ....
* Seems there are great interest in Steve the Savage's Stewardship ... albeit from foreign interlopers ...
* Email from Mark and Sam in London.
Yabbadabba
A lot of silence from a lot of you. Diediedie. Otherwise all well?
We have moved into a new flat downstairs in the same building (no. 4 for those wishing to send Christmas gifts). It's a case of moving down is moving up. Whereas before there wasn't enough room to swing a cat now you can but it could still get messy. So our first few months in our London garret have come to pass.
I always used to ask my brother John if he'd seen anyone famous in London. Unlikely stories aplenty there but I feel it necessary to list who we have come in to close contact with. If you don't know anyone of the people I'm about to talk about, don't worry they're fairely useless celebs.
O.K., first off, across the street from us lives the drummer from Suede. Yes, I know they haven't released anything in ages and it's only the drummer, but still... It's a pity they haven't released anything for ages because I think he needs the money. Looking a bit run down he was.
Round the corner is Jimmy Page's house. That's a little bit more embarrassing but we've learnt to deal with it. The royalties from the Led Zeppelin albums are evidently treating Jimmy well. When I told the Columbian I work with that Jimmy and I are neighbours and he asked if it was noisy.
A friend of mine managed to get us into Soho House, a members only club in... Apparently everyone there was famous. The only celebrity I managed to recognise was Kristen Scott Thomas (The English Patient) as I pushed in front of her to get to the bar. She was very gracious, presumably because she assumed I was of her kind.
On the way out we ran into the guy from Supergrass. Again, very gracious.
And there ends our glimpses of the other side. Pretty miserable innit. You'd think there'd be celebrities everywhere, popping into M&S and on the tube. Not so. A bit shattered about it really.
That's our news.
Lots of love Mark & Samantha
* Wed 8th Aug 2001. Damn the Icebergs gives the Abelarde Inner Sanctum a sneak preview of their soon to be released CD, titled "NO". Most of the Abelarde Illuminati present .... Howdy von Stout, Arnold the Grey, Cliffordius the Consumer, Sharkbrother etc, etc. We are most impressed to say the least ... No attempt was made to make it "radio friendly" .The release date will be the 14th Sept with an all fall down party at the Abelarde ... pencil that in on your callendar ....
* Sat 4th Aug 2001. Phillipa Sutherland and Solitude Standing play to a small but enthusiastic crowd of Uber-Dykes. Go girl Go ....
* Fri 3rd Aug 2001. Oppikoppi promotion featuring 340Mls. Great dub evening with the Mozambican clan in full cry. Lots of give-aways .... Cd's, tickets for Opikoppie etc. Robbie and other Oppikoppie illuminati present. Good support from the regulars ... Liela, Ockert en Mariska,  Bafana, Marcel, Phil en Lydia, Andries etc, etc ... nice evening.
* Thurs 2nd Aug 2001. Email from Steve the Savage in Zambia :
The struggle continues here in Zambia. At least the beer's cold. Can you post the following advertisement on your website.
FOR SALE:
One Abelarde Stewardship, slightly used, quite a number of beer stains, but in working order. All offers considered. A crate of black label is preferable though because Mosi and Castle taste shit.
Steve 'Kitwe' Savage
* Hmmm ... interesting. Any takers out there ? Should Abelarde Stewardship become a tradeable commodity ? Will this give an "outsider" a shot at the hallowed INNER SANCTUM ? Does the Abelarde get a percentage in this transfer of Stewardship ?  What will the Lads think of this ? Hmmmmm .......
* Sat 29th July 2001. Arnold the Grey ascends to the hallowed Inner Sanctum ... nou is daar groot kak.
* Fri 28th July 2001. BMR, Plank, Piet Planter and Reach up tonight. Pretty much of an all fall down party. Tbone stops in. Most of the regulars attend. Piet Pompies is scribbling away ... bound to be some scandal on Litnet. Both BMR and Plank are on the edge of commercial success. Maybe what is needed is a London tour .... all the Afrikaners reside there these days .... in die boesem van die Empire.
* Thurs 26th July 2001. HAPPY BIRTDAY Da Turtle for the 22nd !!!!!!!!!!!
                                    HAPPY BIRTHDAY Othin for the 26th !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* Little sit-in with the lads ... Othin and Da Turtle .... a fine nights drinking .... Strenth and Honour ...
* Wed 25th July 2001. Two months of Email to plough through ... ouch. New fan from France by the name of Angy ... welcome to our mad, bad world ... Charlie in London, Mark and Sam in London - seems everybody is in London ... lots of bitchin ... "no updates ... no pictures ... no scandal " ... how about everybody getting off thier asses and contributing for a change ! Do I have to do it all ? Hmmm, I suppose I do ... It is my web site after all ... nevermind. Again and again, Email after Email, virus after virus, spam after spam, weightloss versus viagra, again and again, never ending code of propaganda clogging up drivespace, birth the death of me, again, back and forth, no, no such thing, staring at the screen, little letters swimming in circles, again and again, scattered, swept away, far away, under the carpet .... oops, sorry lost it there for awhile .... South African Music Week coming up again ... should we participate ... hmmm. It is free advertising via the Establishment ... maybe, we'll see ... but who will we sellect ? Who will we leave out ? oooh ... could be a thorny issue ... could be fun.
* Tues 24th July 2001. The kind and sympathetic Telkom technician comes to fix our tellephone line. We are thankfull in a humble way. ITS TAKEN THEM TWO FUCKIN MONTHS TO GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER .... still we are grateful, seeing as this country is sliding very fast beyond the Third World whilst Politicians and Social Consciousness  Illuminati pass laws that First World Countries will find difficult to comply with. Oh yes ... now that smoking has been officialy outlawed in public places - or any place the I AM A HEALTHY CITIZEN WHO WILL PIMP YOU BRIGADE happens to find themselves at - they have quietly, but with determination targeted the interior of our motorvehicles for smoking banishment. Oh yes ... you see, you might drive  over a begging-streetchild-going-on-24-training-to-be-a-hijacker  whilst exhaling your Camel filter ... or God forbid whilst lighting the offensive - but totally cool - stogie. Personally I think we might as well go the whole hog ... ban car radios ... changing the radio station whilst driving is most certainly a lot more dangerous than smoking ... and the way the Talk-radio hosts natter on ... oi, hmmm, yes wouldnt that be cool ... THE DEATH OF TALK-RADIO ... no more John Robbie, Barney and other imbecilic radio gods sprouting and debating mindless  establishment poppycock ... I could get into this .... definately.
* Mon 23rd July 2001. Arnold the Grey walks in with a bottle of  Arran Single malt Scotch. Och laddie ... tis a fine little sit-in on a fuckin cold winter night. Quite thankfull that no-one else pitches ... wouldnt want to share.
* Sun 22nd July 2001. New pool table and TV courtesy of Panda. THANKS BABY !!!